I recently just walked through the 9 year mark of the day that my baby girl met Jesus. 

Many people have asked over the years if life gets easier. The answer is always no. Not at all.

Grief is hard and is always changing – with unexpected twists and layers. Navigating these twists and layers only adds to the continued processing of new areas. It’s exhausting and overwhelming.

Since the beginning of my grief journey, my ears always tune in to how others process grief. For me, it’s a way to connect and learn in hopes of gaining some healing.

Several years ago, a TV series aired with a story line that was trying to ‘connect’ to the emotions tied into grief. The show was based in a small town – the kind of town where everyone knew everyone and privacy wasn’t easy to maintain. The small town folk labeled a particular day as the ‘dark day’. It was a day they recognized each year as one of the main characters, on the anniversary of his father’s passing, would go off somewhere in seclusion. He’d spend his day mourning and grieving in private. They didn’t where he went or exactly what he did on this ‘dark day’ – they just knew he needed time to mourn and grieve in private. I suppose to them it felt dark and that’s why they decided to label the day?

But, when I heard of this term ‘dark ‘day’, it didn’t (and doesn’t still) personally resonate with me because honestly, everyday is hard. Grief isn’t just hard on special days or holidays. But, more importantly I can’t relate because light can always be found in what seems dark – we just have to choose to see the light in these times.

But don’t misunderstand, grief is ugly and often leaves you feeling so lonely and isolated. Isolation leads being misunderstood and un-relatable and that too can surely bring you into darkness if you aren’t mindful of the enemy.

Choosing to seek light, the Light of the world, even in the midst of my grieving and mourning leads to hope! Hope because God has promised that one day there will be no more suffering! The darkness will fully disappear! This choice happens again and again and again. It’s painful and hard and requires strength and honestly, some days it feels as though my strength has run out. But thankfully by God’s strength and not my own, Amen!

These words in John 8:12 speak such promise where Jesus says – “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

But, will have the light of life! How encouraging is this?!! The world can feel dark and lonely, heavy and isolating – but oh Jesus!

Maybe this is why God allowed the creation of candles? To connect how a little burning flame could spread so much light into a dark space? To remind us yet again how powerful He is, the Light is!

Every year as we light candles and sing Silent Night at our Christmas church service, it brings grief to the surface for me. The room goes dark and the only light comes from the candles. It’s truly a beautiful sight! Grief is the ‘dark’ for me, and the candles become the light to show me even though it looks dark – it’s not really dark at all. God is near – and will be my Light in what appears and feels dark.

And sometimes all the lights need to go out before we can fully see Him.

Dear Friend, find the hope in knowing, believing and trusting, that in every ‘dark day’, there is always Light. Waiting and ready – to rescue and shine within us.