Where Will You Run?

Life is certain to bring forth hard times. None of us will escape challenging times that pull and stretch us beyond what feels humanly possible. When these trying seasons come, our faith can be tested.

I am no stranger to hard times and this is how my journey began.

My hands shook, my voice quivered and my heart raced as I drove that 30 mile stretch to the hospital. My baby girl in tow with confusion and fear in her sweet blue eyes. Both of us still trying to process what was happening and grasping on to hope that it was all a mistake. A bad dream that would quickly end.

In that drive I did a lot of talking to God. I asked for the news we were about to receive to not be serious and instead just a terrible misdiagnosis. I begged for miraculous healing. Worry and anxiety pressed down hard as I continued to keep my foot on the gas pedal. All the while I tried to steady myself to comfort my sweet girl.

Unsure of where this journey would go and where God was leading – I didn’t have time to ask. Instead, I just begged for Him to not leave my side as we trekked our way along.

It was the drive that changed the trajectory of our lives.

A 30 mile drive that led to a 10 day hospital stay where surgery took place and the diagnosis of her condition was first heard.

A life long journey of heartache and unending grief began.

The most common question I get asked about surviving child loss is “how do you do it”?

While people are looking for a specific list of ways to survive … the truth is it’s only possible because of God.

Being a follower of Christ long before this painful journey began, I knew without question there would be only one way to navigate this road.

Of course I also knew I had a choice. And, as much as I would have much preferred to not be making a decision that would still leave me in the same position, I did have a choice. Either way I turned … I couldn’t control Gods plan or change the path He placed me on.

The free will that God gave us means that sometimes people (even believers) will turn their back on Him, they will run away from Hm. Oh how this must hurt. But He loves us too much to decide for us.

I also know that because God’s love is greater than my human mind and heart can understand, He will carry me through the heartache. That same free-will love is also the same love that won’t leave us in a pit of despair. Amen!