The year was 1982. The atmosphere was cold and snowy. The day, December 31.

This was the day that a 13 year girl stood on her front porch and watched a 14 year boy trek through the neighbors wet-snowy grass. Their eyes locked, their cheeks blushed from ear to ear, and from that moment … life blossomed into a lifetime of togetherness. I am that girl and my now hubby, my strong one, is that boy. We grew up, grew together and took on life! So much has changed since this day and life has been both wonderfully blissful and horribly devastating. But God knew we would need each other.

Since that day we’ve spent many New Years Eve’s reminiscing and marveling over our life and how it all began.  Ringing in each new year with gratitude, joy and hope. Mixed in with this is the stirring of those same once butterfly feelings and awkward teenage tendencies we now laugh at. Ahh, certainly a moment in time worth celebrating! Everything about that day!

The year was 2014. The atmosphere somber and heavy. The day, December 31.

This was the day our baby girl was placed into hospice care. We had taken her to the hospital for scans that resulted into an overnight stay. She needed stabilizing as the staff prepared and educated us on hospice. The nurses dipped her hand into paint and gently pressed it onto a plate, and again her hand dipped into plaster for a stepping stone. They clipped a lock of her beautiful long blonde hair as well and placed it into a small pretty organza bag. All for keepsakes.

There was no countdown as the Times Square Ball dropped. No party hats or streamers. No shouts of ‘Happy New Year’. Nothing about this day warranted celebrating. Instead, we cried out to God for a healing miracle! We rang in 2015 with heavy hearts and dread for the days to come.

Our paster, his wife, and many family members came to sit with us. They literally sat on the floor of the hallway outside the hospital room. Their presence was so needed and we’ll be forever grateful they chose to show up. We only had one rule … no crying in her room. Instead I played praise and worship music from my phone and lay beside my girl sometimes singing softly or humming to her. When my heart filled with more than I could bear, I’d crawl out of her bed and gently fall into the arms of a family member in the hall and let the tears flow. 

I have often wondered why two very different memories occurred on the ‘same day’? I’d like to think it’s because God knew we’d need the first to help us through the painful one that would later come. I’m also continually learning that I live in the and space. The space between joy and sorrow, heartache and laughter.

“For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.” ~ 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Today is December 31, the current year 2020.

I had no intention today of writing or opening my heart publicly to the parts of my life that are both sweet and painful. But, after a middle of the night awakening with these words on repeat in my mind, I know this hasn’t been prompted by me. Only God can work this way to offer a message of hope.

I’m not sure what 2020 has held for you? I do know it’s been a year filled with immeasurable mountains of uncertainty, loss, division, violence and much more. A year we’d all like to move beyond I’m certain. There’s this pressing need to exhale after the long breath we’ve been holding in for so long. An exhale of hope for brighter days! An exhale to move beyond suffering and a longing to see kindness and love restored.

“The sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”~ Romans 8:18

Today, as I exhale out 2020, I will breathe in God’s promise to be in the center of 2021. I will reach for His hand to hold mine, and for Truth to lead me to a place of real and everlasting hope. I’ll smile for 1982 and shed a tear for 2014 … I know these are defining moments of time in this vapor of life. A gentle reminder of how unpredictable life really is and a nudge to keep me clinging to His hope.

One day, dear friend, there will be no need for a ‘traditional’ countdown into a new year where brighter days are just a vanishing twinkle. Everyday will be a day to rejoice and celebrate! May you find hope and peace in this, and may God’s Truth be the guiding light for all that is to come!

“Waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ…”~ Titus 2:13

“Behold, I am coming soon.”~ Revelation 22:12