This past year I stumbled and listened to the Enemy and the lies. Harsh lies that screamed, “You are not worthy. You are not loved. You will never be enough.”  

These lies led me straight into a pit! A dark and lonely pit. Added weight fell upon me with this ‘man-hole-like cover’ planted right on top. Heavy? You bet!  Dirt and grime filled in every crevice and open space embedded within that hefty cover.  Any sliver of light that may have filtered in had quickly disappeared.

This pit and it’s grimy-dirt-laced-cover really had some big plans to keep me there. For good.

During this season my thoughts became cluttered as the hurts and lies penetrated farther and pressed down harder. All that lingered was a muted voice dwelling in this shattered and already grieving heart.

One lie though always remained exposed and truth really shined. It’s the lie that wanted me to believe “God cannot use the broken.” It’s THIS lie that allowed me to press on – to keep going and hush my unraveling feelings. God and all His persistence continued to reveal Himself in some big ways. He nudged me to open my eyes to the brokenness rather than give in to my tear-stained-cheeks. This nudge also came with a promise that my suffering would be used for His good. He used this pit to not only protect me from further pain (in a very skewed form of shelter), but also to grow and stretch me. In the midst of pain it’s hard to see how God can and will use your suffering, isn’t it?

It’s also hard to understand that many parts of life are a mystery. Mixed in with the unknowns is the reason unfathomable pain can come pouring down. But, throughout it all one thing remains a Constant that keeps us longing for more and pressing forward. It’s this Constant that penetrated right through the muck and the mire and shined into the very bottom of my dark pit.

Thankfully I am no longer hostage to these lies, but the wounds they formed are still very visible. There’s a multitude of tiny scars woven into the depths of my heart. Wounds that once felt like they would remain open for a lifetime have since been covered with God’s love, peace, hope, and best of all truth. One beautiful thing about scars is they are no longer open wounds! Amen! What remains though is the reminder of the season they represent. A season of questions, pain, sadness, confusion and a sprinkle of hope for brighter days.

As I grow and learn in my faith I become better at compartmentalizing the seasons of my life. These seasons turn into my life-chapters where they interlink with the last one and build on the next one. Each one with a unique shape of it’s own that will one day make up my entire story! Some are beautiful, some scary and some painful – and most likely many will remain a mystery this side of Heaven. I’m learning daily to embrace my story because truthfully it’s not mine, but His. Embracing my story means I embrace the Author!

Until my story is complete I will trek on and cling to the One who has promised to bind wounds and build beautiful! As God continues to write my story I will without a doubt need reminding again and again that life is ever changing. With every change comes a new season to endure or conquer, to explore or to celebrate!  Each one to be discovered for what it brings forth – the joys, sorrows, pain and beauty with everything in between. The best part … within it all is where hope dwells and where the real Writer of my story smears the Enemy with His Truth.

Dear Friend, no one determines your worth! When Jesus stretched His arms wide on that cross and with the piercing of His hands He said “you are worthy, you are loved, and you are enough.” You have always been enough. Hush the lies, you are more precious than jewels ~ Proverbs 3:15.