Breathe. Just Breathe.

Inhale. Exhale. Just Breathe. Ever become so overwhelmed you feel as though you will suffocate?  Maybe the pain, the heartache, is so excruciating you can’t seem to feel at all. You don’t know how to feel anything so you hold your breath and pray it will soon pass. Then, you somehow muster up the courage and lay it all at Gods feet. You seek His love and His strength so that He can breathe life into your aching soul. This has been me. This…has been my story. Breathe. Just Breathe.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. My first Mother’s Day since my baby girl passed a few months ago. Honestly, I wasn’t sure what to expect out of my emotions!  As the days were leading up to this ‘Hallmark Holiday’ I kept telling myself it was just another day. Then Satan would show his ugly face and spout off back at me… “you’re wrong, this isn’t just another day”. This battle went on inside me until I gave it to God and laid it at His feet.  I chose to seek God for truth, seek Him for comfort, and seek Him for the peace I needed

I was suffocating myself and I knew it. Breathe. Just Breathe.

The morning of Mother’s Day I woke and started journaling just as I often do. Through my journaling time and prayer time I asked God what is was that He would want me to know about this ‘Hallmark Holiday’. How did He hope I would feel about this day?  From that moment on, I could feel myself starting to breathe again. As the moments passed and my insides began to calm, I could feel God wrap me up and tell me this. “Don’t get caught up in the hype of this day. Don’t allow Satan to enter in and make you weep more. Don’t fall into what the world has to say. Instead, keep your eyes on Me”. I also felt Him say… “Rejoice!”  “Rejoice because I am proud of you! Well done, my good and faithful servant!!”

In these moments I was reminded that we are all Gods’ children. He simply entrusts us with more of His children. God blessed me and allowed me to give birth to my baby girl!! And oh… what a beautiful gift! I had the honor of raising her and nurturing her. I helped carry out Gods plan for her life. “Well done, my good and faithful servant!”  Knowing His ‘parenting plan’ is far greater than I can imagine or fulfill, also means that I need to know that He will hold me so I can breathe when I feel like this excruciating pain in my heart will suffocate me. God loves my baby girl more than I do. I was simply part of His plan, part of her journey on this side of the veil.

So, I decided to rejoice (as best I could with these deep wounds of mine) and look for all the beauty that surrounds me and fills my life. Focus on what is meaningful. Rejoice over my precious children here with me now on this earth. Focus on all the gifts I have been blessed with instead of falling into the ugliness of the world. Breathe. Just breathe.

I may wake up tomorrow with a tear stained pillow from the ache of my broken heart. Most likely there will be more days that the excruciating pain will take over. But I also have the assurance of knowing that as long as I seek my Savior, He will rescue me.  For as many times I may feel like I am suffocating…He is there in the midst of all of them. Waiting to hold me and help me breathe again.

Whatever you are hurting over, lay it down at Gods feet. Allow Him to be your comforter and show you the truth so you don’t be overcome by what the world is saying. There is no sorrow that heaven can’t cure!

Lord, Our Precious Rescuer ~ I pray for all the broken hearts that need You. May they seek You, seek Your strength and peace and comfort. Wrap them in Your love so they can breathe and overcome the lies of this sorrow-stained world ~  Amen.