Today marks the one year anniversary of my baby girl’s surgery to remove her brain tumor.  Right now…my heart is heavy as I reflect on the deep pain I felt that day. But, I also feel such peace and joy and happiness for reaching this ‘one year milestone’!  This peace, this joy… it covers my pain…and it seeps into the aching holes of my heart. When I reflect on this past year though, the thing the stands out the most to me is what I’ve taken from it all. Not what I have lost or what has been altered, but what I have gained. The blessings have exceeded the aches in my heart.

Our family and pastor gathered in my daughters ICU hospital room as we waited for her surgery. It was quite crowded! One would have thought we had a party goin’ on in there!  A party it was not! I had a constant lump in my throat and I had to hold back the tears quite a few times, and always right on cue, my husband would give me ‘the look’ from across the room. The look  that said “keep it together in front of her, she’s watching you”. I would then glance over her way and give her a gentle, reassuring smile and blow her kiss. I’ll never forget the expression on her face each time I would do this (it became our thing) as she would beam back at me! Smiling from ear to ear, and oh what a sparkle in her eyes! Her expression burned right though to the very core of my heart, etching its impression there forever. She has always been a shining light, a beacon that everyone has been drawn to.  God had begun molding and shaping her long before this day, and now He had equipped her with this amazing strength. A strength that we all needed and felt.

As the morning progressed, we all began taking a turn sitting with her by her bedside. Offering her a hug and reassuring words. What we would find was that my daughter was the one offering of the reassurance. In this twelve almost thirteen little girl, was a fearless, positive, calm soul. She would say “Don’t worry about me. I’m going to be ok, God has this”. She sat in her bed, completely surrounded by the Holy Spirit, covered with a protection from fear and sheltered from any worry.  My heart spilled over in such awe as I watched her so eloquently handle herself and I will always be grateful for God blessing us with her amazing spirit.

The day before her surgery as we were on our way to the hospital a song came on the radio that I have reflected on more than one time this past year. That song is ‘Blessings’ by Laura Story. I had heard it many times before this time, but hearing it this time was different. The words stuck to me, burned right through me.

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe

As you can imagine, my mind was racing as we were making our way to the hospital. We had just had a CT scan when almost instantly following the scan our doctor was calling to inform us that we needed to head over to the hospital. There was a sense of urgency for us to get to the hospital. It all happened so fast. As the song played and the lyrics took hold of my heart, I instantly prayed for God to reveal the blessings of this storm to me.  I was strong enough in my faith to know God had to have a plan and I was prepared to trust Him. It was the lyrics of that song that made me realize that some blessings in life aren’t the obvious bright happy ones, but rather they come to us by way of a storm. You may have to search for them or be open to seeing them, but they are there.   A blessing isn’t always what we think it might be, or even what we think it should be. I learned a few days later that Laura Story wrote this song because her husband had a brain tumor. This was no coincidence! That song played through the speakers of my car at that exact moment on purpose!

I share this small little part of our journey because I want you to know that even in the very beginning, actually the instant this journey began, we could feel God. We knew His hands were guiding this journey.  His love has remained constant, His protection and strength have faithfully held us. He has used our family and friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, complete strangers, songs, scripture, quotes, and a whole list of other ways to reach us and bless us. What I didn’t know then but can see now, is throughout this journey He hasn’t just been holding us and protecting us. He has been shaping and molding us, equipping us. Equipping us to carry out His divine plan. Enabling us to see the blessings even in the midst of our pain.

It’s important to me that you know there isn’t anything about me that is unique or special. I am nothing more than an ordinary person, just like you. God has equipped me with the same ways to handle life as He has you. That way of ‘handling life’ is by walking with Him. You might be in the midst of a storm right now that is similar to mine. Maybe the people in your storm are different. Maybe the details are different. But it hurts just the same. Your heart aches, your soul cries out and you’re feeling that your wounds are too much to bear. I want you to know that even though your life looks murky right now and you aren’t sure how you will face tomorrow, there is a purpose and a reason God has brought you the place you are right now. Don’t spend too much time looking at the raging storm, but rather beyond the storm and look right to God. Give your worries to Christ and let Him calm the storm. In the process you will begin to see what you have gained and not what has been lost or altered. The blessings will begin to unveil and you will be able to see how God has equipped you, molded you, and shaped you. ‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops.

Blessings!